Do you know what you need in order to be loved right?

Deco is here this week to reveal what you need to know right now to create the kind of connection that makes you feel fulfilled and genuinely happy.

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P.S. Have you getting loved right, or is someone breaking your heart instead? Leave a comment and let Deco know!

TRANSCRIPT:

Hello, my friends, it is Deco back again, and I’m trying to turn so that you aren’t seeing this glare in my glasses. But, guys, we are right in the midst of February. It feels so good to be in this month that’s just all about love. And, I know people have different opinions about what February is all about, what Valentine’s Day is all about, but really we want to focus on love this month. And so, funny enough, I was watching the Super Bowl last weekend, and all I could think was that pretty much, well, pretty much all of Usher’s songs were about love. It’s like not all of his songs were super happy. Not all of his songs were about things going really, really well and things like that. And so, what I kept coming back to for this reading this week is like, how do we make sure that people are loving you right? If you know anything about Usher, I’m sure there’s some people who didn’t know one lyric, but I knew every single one in that Super Bowl halftime. And, “Baby, let me love you right” kept resounding in my head. How do we make sure that people are loving us? So, my goal today is to pull with that idea in mind. How do we make sure that we’re being loved, not just how are we going to love other people? How are we getting what we deserve? We want those good vibes for us, so let’s find out how we can make sure that we are being loved right. Alright. Let’s see. A little cheesy. I know, but, okay.

Okay, wow, interesting, so my friends, right away, I’m seeing some things that feel heavy for you, okay? I see things feeling really painful for you. I see you having gone through heartbreak before and maybe you’re still reeling from some of that heartbreak. It’s like a lot of us have not been loved, right, okay? We’ve had a lot of experiences. I know a lot of people have had experiences. I’ve seen this in your comments. I’ve seen this in my own friends’ life, in my own life. It’s normal to go through really hard times. It’s normal to grieve relationships. We’ve put so much into those relationships, and I think that it’s really important that we learn from those things and we process those things instead of suppressing those things. Because what often happens is we see those pains or you see those pains as something that defines you and something that makes you less worthy of love and makes you feel like just really small. You’re like, well, someone treated me that way, so I must have deserved it. 

And, the Three of Swords is that big pain, that heartbreak that we feel after all of that. And, the Nine of, sorry, not Swords, the Nine of Wands being in reverse here, is also suggesting that we’re not keeping our boundaries in mind. And, I talk about boundaries a lot, and I want you to know that boundaries are not an easy thing to maintain. They’re also not an easy thing to form in the first place, especially if you’ve gotten into a cycle or a habit of trying to just please people, even if they haven’t treated you very well. And so, what I’m seeing here is, how do we make sure that we’re being loved right? How do we make sure of that? It takes taking time with yourself. It takes saying, “Hey, self, what am I doing that is keeping me from finding someone that I really vibe with? What behaviors am I having?” Sometimes it is going to take you looking back on past relationships and saying, “This felt really bad in this relationship. How this person made me feel in this relationship when they did this or this, or this made me feel not loved. Well, they didn’t show me love in the way that I needed, and instead I felt small and I felt like I needed to become quiet and agreeable,” or whatever. It’s like we felt a certain way because of their actions, but then when you start looking at their actions, you have to think really hard about your actions. Like I said, it’s like sometimes we get treated a certain way and we think, “I am just going to act this way so that they won’t treat me that way anymore. And then, maybe it’ll become easier.” 

But, what The Hermit is saying that we need to do is we need to look at that and think, is it helpful? Is it helpful for you to change your own behavior and try to please someone else so that they will treat you better? Or, should you vocalize what you’re going through, what your thoughts are, what you expect in a relationship? Because, I think that’s really what we need to be doing is saying, “Am I allowing someone to treat me poorly by not standing up for myself?” I found in a lot of people, in myself, my friends, people that I’ve done readings for before, what happens a lot is we act our total honest truest self in friendships and family relationships, in relationships that for whatever reason, don’t feel as high stakes. I think one of the things that we worry about in relationships is that if we do something wrong, they’re just going to leave. We invested in the relationship and for whatever reason, we feel like if we do something wrong, if we do the wrong thing or make them unhappy, that they’re just going to go. And, you know what? I think that says a lot more about the other people than it says about you. But, I think that that’s something to think about. 

Do you want to be with someone who will only want to be with you if you do what they want you to do? Is that the life that you want to live? Do you want to say, “I’m just going to do everything for this person to make them happy? And, if sometimes they do things to make me happy, then that’s okay with me.” I think that if you really dove down deep, you could see some of those behaviors in yourself and say, “You know what? I know that this is not really who I am. I’m not someone who just bends under pressure and does whatever someone else wants me to do.” If you don’t do it in a friendship, then look hard at a romantic relationship and say, “Why am I acting that way in that relationship when I act so much more authentically in these other relationships that I have?” And then, I think once you do that, I know I’m saying right off the bat, that is not an easy thing to do. It is not easy to see your own behaviors and recognize them as maybe not the best for you. But, in order to be loved, I think that you need to know what you expect from someone who loves you. And, I think part of that is being able to communicate, but deep down, it’s about knowing exactly what you expect.

And, The Hermit is all about introspection and knowing what’s important to you. So, what is important to you? If you need someone who always wants to go out with you all the time and you’re finding yourself at home because maybe they don’t want to do things, or maybe they only want to do things they want to do and they never want to go out with you when it’s something you want to do, and so you’re having to go out alone, is that an expectation that you have? Is that something you need to communicate with your partner? Or, is there someone else out there that might love you better, love you in a way that you need to be loved? Everybody loves in a different way. So, I think it’s important to also think to yourself, “Who is it that is going to fill my cup in the way that I need?” Or, “Is this person the type of lover who’s really going to make me feel loved instead of just wanting to feel loved themselves and taking from me in the process?” 

So, I think if we can confront those things, I think that’s going to help us find that balance. It’s going to find that feeling of being loved. Well, and I think that, again, it’s a lot easier said than done to do these things for ourselves to really know not only what we want, but how we should act in order to get that. I really think that’s the hardest thing, what are you going to bring to the table? How are you going to confront your issues? I want to tell you, you are worth more than you think. 

I think our biggest critic is ourselves, right? And so, I think you need to remember that you are a prize. You are an incredible, beautiful thing that someone is going to be so thankful for and will do anything that they can not to lose. And, if you’re feeling like you need to fight for someone else to want you, then that’s showing you that that is not your person. You need to just know exactly what kind of behaviors you’re looking for and what kind of behaviors are absolutely nonnegotiables. And again, once you know what those things are, you’re going to feel a whole lot more balanced. Because part of that understanding is knowing that you are valuable, you are worth being loved well, and the right person is going to love you the way that you want. And, you might date some duds along the way. And, you know what? You don’t have to invest in those people. They might not be worth your time. They probably are not worth your time. And, I tell people all the time, go on a million first dates, and once you find the person that you want to go on a second date with, go on that second date. That’s telling you that you found someone that’s worth your time, that’s worth your energy, that’s worth your investment. But, don’t invest in someone just because you went on one date, one date with them. Again, you’re valuable. Someone’s going to want you so much that they would do anything to not lose you, right? 

So, let me pull an Oracle because I think there’s more to be said here. Again, we still have things that we need to heal from, things that we need to be reflective about. And I think if you can do that for yourself, I really feel like there’s a lot more to be done for you. Okay, let’s see. Okay, here is another really important part of relationships in general and being loved well, right? It’s being able to enjoy the small things, being able to enjoy the parts that just feel good. 

This card is called Surrender to the Sweetness, Venus Energy. Venus is all about love and how we love, how we express ourselves, Venus energy, pleasure, joy, make love to life. I truly believe that you will attract your person by being your truest self by doing the things that you love to do, regardless of what anybody else thinks. My favorite pastime, if I hadn’t walked into the gym that I go to one day, back 10 years ago, I would never have met all of these incredible people that I met. But, because I took a risk and did something just for me, I was able to find that and I did something that I enjoy and I still do it. And, it’s something that other people find joy in too. And so, I think that one thing that you might think of is like, “Okay, what are ways that I have been repressing? Ways that I need to express myself in order for people to see who I really am?” I think that’s part of this, too. Who really are you? What do you really want? What defines you? And, does the person that you love find value in those things? Because they should, because you are an incredible human and you deserve someone who loves you for every single part of you, but especially the things that you are proud of. 

Okay, so guys, we have some things to confront. And, I know, again, like I said, that is so much easier said than done. But, I think if we can turn inward a little bit and look really hard at some of those relationships that hurt us, I think we can realize that there is someone out there that’s going to love us well and love you right, baby. 

Alright. I hope that this found you well. I hope that you make love to life, my friends, surrender to the sweetness, just like this card said. And, I think we have a lot to look forward to. Keep your mind open. Be real with yourself. I think that’s another really hard thing to do, but you’ve got this. I believe in you. Good luck this week.